


I don't get it

by Craftybadger1234



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Demisexuality, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 01:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14148702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craftybadger1234/pseuds/Craftybadger1234
Summary: Sirius is trying to figure it out. His friends are there to help him.Rated T for language.





	I don't get it

**Author's Note:**

> A short thing I wrote and posted in a single day. If anyone has tag suggestions, I'm all ears!

“I don't get it,” Sirius grumbled as he slammed into the third years dorm. He threw himself across Remus’s bed and continued, “What's the big deal with this stupid Hogsmeade weekend?”

Remus set his book aside and pulled his legs out from under Sirius. “It's the first one, first chance for a real date.”

“But we're all going to the same place so what does it matter if I go with Tracy, or if she goes with us?”

Remus’s eyes widened, “You invited her to go along with us?”

“She asked if we were going, like a couple I guess? And I said we were all going and she could join us.”

“Bet she loved that.”

“Yeah… so long story short, Tracy’s going with William.”

“Oh. Sorry about that.”

Sirius shrugged. “Who cares, right? There are other birds.”

\--------

“I don't get it,” Sirius whined in Charms. He looked over at Mary and Dorcas. “Everyone switches boyfriends and girlfriends so fast. How are we supposed to keep up?”

“Gossip moves pretty fast too,” Remus whispered. “Maybe you should pay attention to it. For instance, I've already heard about you two-timing Mary from two different sources.”

“That's not what happened!”

“And that you stole Barb from Roger.”

“That is bullshit and you stop spreading that tripe!”

Remus laughed, “I know, you twit. Still, it's funny the situations you get into.”

“I don't get it,” James hissed from behind Sirius. “What do all these birds see in you, anyway?”

“Fuck if I know,” Sirius muttered. 

\--------

“I don't get it,” Sirius yelled as he threw a rock into the lake.

Remus looked up from his textbook at the outburst, “I take it this is not about our OWLs?”

“Alice and I broke up,” Sirius said as he lay down next to Remus. 

“Ah, finally, a reason for the brooding silence.”

“I wasn't brooding.”

“Of course not, how silly of me.”

Sirius sat up and fiddled with the hem of his sleeve. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. He growled and stood to pace the shoreline again. 

“Is there more to the story?” Remus asked. 

“She said I was ‘emotionally unavailable,’ whatever the fuck that means.”

“I think it means - “

“She also said I wasn’t good at kissing.”

“Ouch, that's a low blow.”

Sirius sat in a huff and pointed out James and Peter on their way over from quidditch pitch. “She didn't mean it. She was just trying to hurt me. But it didn't work.”

“Because you're emotionally unavailable?”

Sirius laughed and shoved Remus over, “Because I don't like kissing her and so I don't care if she doesn't like kissing me back.”

James and Peter arrived just in time to hear the last. 

“I don't get it,” Peter said. “I'd kiss any bird that let me.”

“That's because you're emotionally available,” Remus said with mock seriousness. 

“What the hell does that mean?” James asked. 

“Fuck if I know,” Sirius said, smothering a laugh. 

\--------

“I don't get it,” Sirius whispered to Remus later that night. Peter and James were already asleep and this was his chance to get real advice. “What's so great about kissing anyway?”

Remus crossed the space between their beds and laid down next to Sirius. “Still upset about Alice?”

“Not really. I just don't get what the big deal is. It's wet and sloppy, and makes me feel squirmy.”

Remus laughed quietly, “That's normal, Sirius. You see, when a man loves a woman - “

Sirius snorted and pinched Remus’s arm, “That's not what I meant.” His smile fell. He said hesitantly, “It's not a good kind of squirmy.”

“Oh,” Remus said. He held his breath for several seconds before saying, “Maybe… do you think…”

“What?”

“Do you think maybe you're kissing the wrong people?”

Sirius’s brows drew down, “What do you mean?”

Remus licked his lips and his eyes flicked down to Sirius’s mouth then back to his eyes. “Maybe you're just not into girls.”

Sirius scrambled to sit up. He look exasperated at Remus, “What does that mean?”

Remus sat up slowly, looking at Sirius carefully. “Have you maybe tried kissing a bloke? Maybe it'll feel different for you.”

“That's ridiculous! Why would I try that?”

“I don't know,” Remus said. “Just a thought.” He got out of the bed with a mumbled, “Good night, then.”

“Good night, Remus.” A moment later he said, “Thanks Moony, for trying to help.”

“You're welcome, Padfoot.”

\--------

“I don't get it!” Sirius growled, tugging his hair in frustration. He kicked the trunk at the end of his bed. “First you're mad I'm dating too many girls, now you're mad I'm not dating girls anymore?”

“No one cares if you're dating a bloke!” James yelled back, making Peter flinch. “It's Benji fucking Fenwick, you berk!”

Remus nodded his agreement, and silently continued unpacking his trunk. 

“So what? Benji’s all right. You're just being an idiot.”

“He is not ‘all right!’ He was bragging to all and sundry on the train that he was spending sixth year getting laid as much as possible.”

“So?” Sirius said with a wicked grin. “Sounds like our goals are in line.”

James’s mouth dropped open in shock. “He's just using you for sex and you don't even care?”

“No, James, I don't care,” Sirius said with a heavy sigh. “I'm just trying to figure things out and if Benji wants a one-off to help out, who am I to say no?”

“Fine,” James said petulantly. “But I don't have to like it.”

\--------

“I don't get it,” Sirius said as he crawled into Remus’s bed. 

Remus rubbed at tired eyes and yawned. “Sirius. What time is it?”

“I don't know. Late. I can't sleep.”

Remus slumped over to lean on Sirius. “What don't you get?”

“I tried, Remus. Benji, Daniel, Sai. But it still feels weird. Do you think there's something wrong with me?”

Remus rolled and draped himself across Sirius. Sleepily he mumbled, “You're fine, Sirius. Amazing just the way you are.”

A few silent moments passed while Sirius’s mind raced. “I'm scared, Moony,” he said quietly.

A soft snore was the only response. 

\--------

“I don’t get it,” Sirius said with a wince as James rubbed ointment on a particularly large bruise. “What does she care who I’m fucking around with? Ow! Fuck! You’re pressing too hard!”

“Sorry,” James said, then resumed rubbing the ointment on Sirius’s back. “She doesn’t care, so long as it was just girls.”

“It’s fucked up, is what it is.” He groaned again. “I told her I wasn’t fooling around anymore anyway, but she didn’t care. Said she’d had enough and wouldn’t stand to have anything so queer and disgusting in her house. Fine. I’m better off without her.”

“You know my parents are glad to have you here. We’ll have your own room set up by Christmas. By the time the holiday is over, it’ll be like you’ve always lived here.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said softly as he pulled his shirt back on. He twisted gingerly, already feeling the relief from the ointment on his damaged back. Lying down carefully on the bed, he sighed, “She’s right, though, I _am_ a freak.”

James lay down next to him, facing him in the dim light. “You’re not a freak, Sirius. You’re young and trying to figure things out. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Tell me again,” Sirius said quietly, “about Lily.”

“I’ve told you enough times. How ‘bout instead you tell me. What do you feel when you kiss someone? Girl or boy, doesn’t matter.”

Sirius closed his eyes and thought about the fooling around he’d done this past term, and the girls he’d been with the previous year. “At first, it’s nice. They smell good, or make me laugh. But then their hand in mine doesn’t settle right and it’s sweaty and weird. Or they kiss me and their mouth is too wet or their tongue is - “ he broke off with a shiver. “Sometimes I’ll touch them, and that’s fine I guess? But their hands on me makes me want to crawl out of my skin.” He opened his eyes to see James looking at him carefully.

James ran a hand down Sirius’s face, then pulled away. “Always? With me too? Remus, and Peter?”

“No, I guess it’s different for you lot.”

“So it’s not everyone.” He smiled, “And that means that one day, you’ll find someone. You’re not a freak, Sirius. You’re just waiting. It’s okay to wait.”

“It doesn’t feel okay. No one else seems to have such trouble.”

“You don’t have to run on someone else’s schedule. You’re doing just fine. Now get to sleep, we have lots to do tomorrow.”

\--------

“I don’t get it,” Sirius whispered to Remus at a corner table of the common room. “All this time ignoring him, and now suddenly she’s trying to get in his pants?” 

They watched as a coy smile graced Evans’s lips. She tugged at James’s tie, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Why would she suddenly change her mind? What’s so appealing about him now?”

Remus shrugged and went back to his essay, “He waited for her, she was impressed, and now she’s ready. Nothing so weird about that.” He pulled his Defence text closer. “Do you think we’ll have to cast a Patronus for our NEWTs? What do you think the examiner will do when a huge fucking werewolf bounds around the room?”

Sirius grimaced, “Like I care about a test that’s a whole four months away.”

Remus shook his head. “You’re going to regret not studying more.”

“I doubt it. Ugh, now they’re making out right here where everyone can see.”

“So don’t look,” Remus said.

“I can’t help it. I don’t get it. The appeal. So it’s like a train wreck… I just can’t look away.” And indeed his face was screwed up in disgust as he watched James and Lily making out. Finally they moved towards the staircase, and up to the boys dorm. “Fuck, now they’re going to our room.”

“At least now you can’t see it.”

Sirius looked over at Remus. “No, now I just get to imagine all the depraved shite they’re getting up to in our dorm.” He doodled absently on the edges of his parchment. “I think I’m jealous.”

Remus looked up in surprise, “Really?” He set his quill aside to focus on Sirius. “Tell me,” he said kindly.

“I don’t know,” Sirius grumbled, beginning to tear tiny pieces from his parchment. Anything to avoid looking directly at Remus. “I want it, but then when I have it, it’s not like I thought. And it’s not fair it seems so easy for everyone else.”

“You just have to wait - “

“I don’t want to wait!” Sirius hissed. “I just - “ He broke off with a sigh. “I _want_ , you know? And ever since… “

“Ever since what?”

“Last year, when I went to live with James…” His eyes flicked to Remus, who nodded. “James said maybe…”

“What did James say?” Remus asked softly.

Sirius’s eyes searched his face, then blinked away nervously. “Maybe it’s stupid.”

“It’s not - “ Remus cleared his throat. “It’s not stupid. Please… tell me.”

Sirius rested his head in his hands and sighed, “It’s different, with James. Peter.” He gulped, “You.”

“Oh,” Remus sighed. He sat back in his chair and Sirius risked a glance. Remus was looking at him with wide eyes. “Are you saying maybe you want to try? With me?”

“Not - not now,” Sirius said in a small voice. “But maybe?”

“Yeah, okay. Whenever you’re ready, all right?”

Sirius nodded and picked up his quill, scribbling nonsense to avoid having to look at Remus. Remus resumed writing, but also slid his foot up alongside Sirius’s foot. He smiled when Sirius pressed back.

\--------

“I get it now,” Sirius said, with a moan against Remus’s lips.

“Worth the wait?” Remus asked, his breath coming fast and hard. His hand slid into Sirius’s hair as he angled his head for a deeper kiss.

“Fuck, yes,” Sirius said with a smile as he arched his body into Remus’s hands. “Just right.”


End file.
